Trusting in the Lord

My journey in Australia since arriving in Sydney about four years ago have taught me the biggest lesson, and that is to trust in the Lord's timing. In everything.

When I look back I cannot express enough my awe and gratitude when it comes to His provision and never-ending faithfulness to me as I slowly but surely worked my way to pay off my exorbitant school fees, rent and food. There are many times when, I have to admit, that He was cutting it a bit too close for my liking. Cut-off days for fees and nearly empty bank accounts were the bane of my life as a student. But looking back now, I understand that this was His way of showing that He will always provide and will never forsake me in times of desperate need. All I have to do is trust in His timing.

This week, both my housemates and I have lost our jobs. We weren't fired, exactly. The franchise that we were all working for got sold to a new owner who decided that he didn't need any of us anymore. And that was that.

So with my bank account dipping to yet another dangerous low, and with my Temporary Residency application needing hundreds of dollars to complete as well as the best friend's wedding coming up, I find myself facing desperate times again. Only this time, I am reminded by my church to keep trusting in His timing and to keep believing in miracles.

And that is why I still give with what little I have because I just know that when the time comes, the Lord will be behind me urging me on and giving me yet another open window of opportunities. :)

In Search of Dreams

"Every second of the search is an encounter with God," the boy told his heart. "When I have been truly searching for my treasure, every day has been luminous, because I've known that every hour was a part of the dream that I would find it. When I have been truly searching for my treasure, I've discovered things along the way that I never would have seen had I not had the courage to try things that seemed impossible for a shepherd to achieve." - The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho

Coming clean

One thing I always seem to do is to compare my abilities, experiences - heck, my whole being with other people. The way I write, the way I dress, the books I read, the places I've been, how I look and the list goes on. So much so that I always think that I'm never good enough in what I do, always striving to pick up something I have no interest in just so I can be like that other person or looking at my work and never being completely satisfied.

But isn't that how we've been brought up? Kindergarten, middle school, high school all the way to university and even in the workplace, aren't we always reminded to be competitive, that our successes are only successes relative to someone else's failure or averageness? If you're first, someone has to come second. Isn't that how it's always worked?

Well, I've decided that enough is enough. It's true. I've always felt envious about what other people are doing. I read an article in Marie Claire a few months back about the Fear of Missing Out. Probably not as valid as clinical depression but might very well be. With the Internet showcasing about a million other people doing exactly what you've always wanted so easily, so successfully, how can you not start to feel even a little inferior? After reading that article I just thought, gosh I have that! And the reason is because I'm turning 23 and have nothing to show for all my years of living. No exciting portfolio of travels or experiences, no out-of-this-world stories to share. Or so I thought.

It took me awhile to realise that experience is experience, whether big or small. Yes, of course there are other people whose experiences can make you feel like a frog living under a coconut shell. But you know what, you don't have to bungee jump off the tallest building or swim with an ocean of sharks to say you have experience, experience comes in so many ways. The people you talk to, the things you see everyday, everything is experience! And whether I realise it or not, these small things have made up who I am. And who I am today is an independent woman with her own views of life, her own style of doing what she does and master of her own thoughts.

I still have a world and a lifetime of experiences to go. And while I may not be able to travel the world, I have to keep reminding myself that growth comes with everything I do, see, feel, touch, listen, taste.

Once Upon a Long Distance Time

As I read Quaintly's most recent post, I find myself nodding at what she writes about the experience in being in a long distance relationship. That never mind what happiness manages to steer you away from the fact that your loved one is a thousand miles away throughout the day, that you will always, always return to a bed that is cold and worst of all starkingly empty at night.

But what makes it all worth it, is that single moment when you know the both of you are going to meet again. The date is set, and all you do is cross out the days leading up to that moment on the calender. When you reach that precious day, circled twice over in red ink, you put on your best clothes and with fluttering butterflies and clammy hands, you meet and every ounce of loneliness you've been feeling the past one week, one month, one year, vanishes. The next thing you know, you're in his/her arms - everything is right again.

People will tell you that it gets easier with each hello, goodbye. But only you know that it doesn't, it feels like it will never get easier. Of course, if you only had to do it for a certain time frame, then you'd know the feeling of relief when it's all over. But for others, each hello that you know will inadvertently end with a goodbye, each goodbye that you don't know when will end gets worse and worse. Some couples survive it and some couples don't. It's the most difficult thing when it comes to being apart with a loved one - both physically and mentally.

I remember special occasions that were spent not entirely alone, but with friends who try to surround me with all the love that they possibly have to offer. It's different and never enough. Like when fireworks paint the sky with loud, colourful streaks during Independence Day, or when I watch as couples around me hand each other roses on Valentine's... In fact, it didn't even need to be a special occasion, I just needed to see another couple holding hands, laughing with each other and it was enough to reduce me into a weepy mess (On the occasional emotional days, but they were never far apart enough).

Now I look back and pride myself in having been through and succeeded to overcome those lonely three years. But I don't think that I would ever, ever go through long-distance again. Ever. Not as I wake up in the morning with him snoring softly (Or not so) beside me, or when I go into that occasional outraged fit with him. I see myself as strong enough to have come this far, but if put into that situation again, I would feel equally as helpless as I felt then.

So to those of you who are going through the ups and downs of a long-distance relationship, no matter how short or long (because there really is not much of a difference) a time frame, you deserve to be applauded. And all I can say is that when you come out of this, you'll overcome any obstacle thrown at you. You'll come out more mature and stronger and there will be a time when you look at each other and smile as you reminisce the old days. :)

Nothing makes me happier...

... than to be inspired by great photographs.

... than to be in the arms of a loved one.

... than to have a belly-jiggling, choking laugh with friends, family and at that odd cat video.

... than to have my morning cup of coffee.

... than to have Sunday breakfasts/brunches/lunches (depending on what time we manage to pull ourselves awake.

... than to walk hand in hand with him, in the rain, in a city we love, with the world dashing about around us.

... than to have a hot bath when it's so, so cold.

... than to be playing crossword puzzles and laughing at the words we come up with.

... than to rediscover old photos and smile at the recollection of a memory of a much simpler, innocent time.

... than to read the last page of a good book and feel satisfied.

... than to dream and dream.

... than to have time to myself to dance around the room and blast music.

... than to race across the carpark, although he always wins.

here.

and most of all,

nothing makes me happier than to be genuinely happy, filled with love in the world, feel the restlessness of wanting to be something better and the busyness of a very good day.

Packing on the Winter weight

With leftover egg yolks from my macarons, I decided to go ahead and bake this very simple dessert - the unpretentious crème brûlée.

Awesome Thing #990: When you come home from work, eat dinner and you find that you're just in time to watch your favourite TV show.

I don't get very much free time these days because I've been working so much. On most days I work from the afternoon to about 10.30 at night. And that's probably why I now appreciate my free time a lot more than I used to! I find myself packing a lot in to the little hours I have left in my day doing the things that I love. These days, I bake a lot and watch TV during dinner (an indulgence I don't always get). My absolute favourite days are ones when I can come home in the evening and have a nice home-cooked dinner with not much to do after. :) Really, we take these little things for granted - until they become a rarity.

Life Lessons from a Silly, Ole Bear

If wisdom comes with age, then we've got a lot to learn from A.A Milne's 'tubby little cubby all stuffed in fluff'. For the times when his head is not stuck in a jar of honey, Winnie-the-Pooh has taught me about loyalty, love, friendship and the (non-)importance of being sensible.

On Friendship

"If you live to be 100, I hope I will live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you."

"It is so much more friendly with two."

On Love

"Some people care too much, I think it's called Love."

"If there ever comes a day when we can't be together, keep me in your heart. I'll stay there forever."

On Patience

"If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small fluff in his ear."

"Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day."

On the (Non-)Importance of Sensibility

"People who don't think probably don't have brains; rather, they have grey fluff that's blown into their heads by mistake."

"Those who are clever, who have a Brain, never understand anything."

On Doing Nothing

"Don't underestimate the value of doing nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering."

"Sometimes, if you stand on the bottom rail of a bridge and lean over to watch the river slipping slowly away beneath you, you will suddenly know everything there is to be known."

On Exercise

"A Bear, however hard he tries, grows tubby without exercise."

And possibly my favourite quote from the lovable Bear:

"If ever there is a tomorrow when we're not together, there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you."

10 Awesome Things so far

#1000: Coming home to your sleeping partner and when you wiggle into bed next to him, he puts his arms around you like it's the most natural thing.

#999: When you change into unsightly, hole-y but super comfortable pj's after being in jeans the whole day.

The boyfriend calls them 'unattractive' but I love the warmth they envelope my legs with! Especially in this cold winter.

#998: When you come home after work and you smell dinner cooking on the stove.

Today, I came home hungry and was almost willing to devour anything that was in front of me. There was a wonderful smell in the air and when my housemate greeted me at the door, I asked if that was her cooking. She laughed and answered, 'Oh no, that's your boyfriend cooking!' And it just makes dinner all the more awesome. :)

#997: When you discover really old pictures and realise how much you've changed

Yesterday I took out my old Nokia N73 and started looking through the gallery of photos and videos. Most of them were of my sister, Jade and I, others with Kai and some were random. I laughed at many of them and they just reminded me of how long a way I've come! From the girl who could only wish to get to where she is right now to the lady I am today.

#996: When suddenly you realise the steep hill you've been climbing for months doesn't leave you quite as out-of-breath anymore.

It just goes to show that any exercise novice can get to where they want to be. And soon enough, all the sweat and pain (literally) will feel worth it! :) I used to be the worst runner - my limit was a sad 5 minutes. But today, I run 6km at my best! And 4km almost once every two days. All you need is determination and a whole lot of (small) rewards after!

#995: When you pull the stiff nose strip off and you see the little mounds of dirt stuck on.

It is so gross, but at the same time almost relieving when you see how much dirt you've managed to remove with a single pore strip! And sometimes, you almost can't wait for the next three days so you can put one more right back on! :D

#994: Getting a two-in-one deal!

I wanted a world map for quite a while, and just found out that a friend got his for $300! I didn't have $300 to spare but a pleasant surprise came in the form of this month's frankie magazine! For in between two of its beautiful pages, I found a colourful map of the world by Barcelona-based illustrator, Judy Kaufmann! And better still, this July/August issue is all about Awesome Things! Its pages are filled with amazing life lessons that I would quote right here if I didn't think it was more worth it to go out and get your own copy!

#993: Looking at the sky and spotting random shapes

I spotted a rubber duck-shaped cloud yesterday and couldn't help but smile. Picture here! :)

#992: The feeling you get after a great big s t r e t c h ! to soothe tired & sore muscles.

#991: Having a Korean housemate who cooks awesome kimchi fried rice. :)

1000 Awesome Things Project

Inspired by 1000AwesomeThings, I will be aiming to countdown 1000 awesome things of my own! Because life's too short to dwell on the less awesome things.

On some days, life feels a bit overwhelming. On some days, it feels like there is nothing to look forward to or that you're wishing with all your heart that you're somewhere (or someone) else. And although there has been a lot of focus on living in the present and counting your blessings and being happy with what you have, how many of us truly appreciate the little things in life? To smile at a budding flower? To look out of a window with the sun's warmth shining upon your face? To celebrate all our successes - big and small?

This is the 'Pursuit of Happiness' bit of my blog. And I hope in the long run, I will be able to truly embrace the little wonders in my life. :)