Coping with the death of a loved one's loved one.

There are many articles teaching you how to deal with the death of a loved one, but what happens when a loved one of your loved one passes?

I have now gone through two such deaths and second time around, I still feel quite lost as to how I should be feeling. The fact that I am not personally acquainted to these people who mean so much to that someone close to heart means that I have a sort of detachment from them. And yet, I am somewhat related to them through my relationship with the person I care for.

The few lessons that I have learnt in coping with deaths of a loved one's loved one:

1. Don't use words like "I know how you feel".
Because let's face it, everyone deals with death differently. And it's worse still if you really don't know what it feels like and you're hoping to make them feel better by trying to empathise. You will never know what it's like to lose someone you hold dear in your heart until you actually do.

2. Listen or leave them be.
Coping mechanisms for different individuals differ. For me, I find that if I'm feeling sad I'd rather just be in the arms of someone close and bawl my eyes out. But for others, talking about it to a friend may work better. Or blasting loud music. Or eating a whole tub of ice-cream. So listen if they need listening or leave them alone if need be. Unless of course it involves drugs or excessive alcohol or suicide.

3. Just be normal.
I think the best way yet, is to go through life as normal. It is about the most helpful thing because it is offering the possibility and hope that life can go on like normal after the passing of a loved one. Of course it is inevitable for memories to linger and grief to set in once in awhile, but without disrupting the natural mourning period, the best support to give is to go on your usual business.

I'm not saying all these works for everyone. But these are some of the things that I have found to be quite useful in the situations that I have gone through. Sure, you'll never understand the degree of grief they're going through. Just be there for them when they need you to be and allow them to mourn their loss.

Making the transition from long to short

I'm talking about hair length of course. :)

Whenever I look at ladies sporting short, funky hairstyles, I always thought 'Hmm I could be one of them too!'  And after years of deliberating and imagining what I would look like in a short 'do, I finally decided to snip off my long locks for a much shorter and lighter style. It wasn't easy, this transition. In fact, it was actually really quite daunting. You see, I have always worn my hair long and straight. Bad experience with shorter styles when I was younger had me avoid short hair like a plague. And you know what they say about your hair being your crowning glory and all.

My transition from long to short hair took about six months and six haircuts - my most recent hair cut being two weeks ago. And while I am still trying to accept looking like a prepubescent boy, I quite like my hair short because it's just so much easier to deal with and not to mention easier on the wallet as I don't have to keep restocking my shampoo anymore!

One of my university mates actually asked me when we all met in class after our summer breaks, 'Weren't you scared?' I just looked at her, laughed and answered 'As hell!'

Let me just paint a clearer picture for you - of ten years back when I had a big, fluffy bush for hair. Before I discovered the magical hair-tamer that is rebonding (a hair straightening technique that breaks up the bonds in the hair follicle and then iron them out to smooth each strand), my hair was constantly tied tightly in a (very messy) ponytail. I never let it down for fear of looking like a lion. Combing my hair was a painful task - literally - as the bristles in my brush get constantly tangled in my mane. 

This all changed when I finally decided to spend my savings on a much needed salon visit. My hair is so thick that right up till now, I would need two hair stylists to deal with each half of my head. My first rebonding session took about five hours and a very sore butt. I was amazed at what the iron can do! For the very first time I could run my fingers through my hair without getting caught in a tangled mess!

Since then it became an annual routine to get my hair straightened as I didn't want to have to deal with having a mop head anymore.

Last year, I finally got bored of having long, straight hair. I desperately wanted a drastic change. The decision was either to have it permed or to have it cut real short. No prize for guessing which I decided to go for.

The first cut I had, I decided to stay safe and went for a medium length. It was hilarious when my stylist held up my long ponytail. Hilarious and a bit frightening. I remember holding my breath as he made the first snip and then praying that it would turn out Okay. I kept that length for about three days and then I decided to go even shorter - this time my hair barely grazed my shoulders.

Going short is addictive, someone once told me. I can only be a testimonial to this statement. Six haircuts later, here I am. Hair shorter than that of the boyfriend, head light as a feather. Right now though, I'm looking to grow my hair out. Having short hair has been quite an experience and I have gotten so many compliments and also not-so-nice comments, but I'm glad to have gathered courage to go as short as this. All I can say is if you're thinking of getting your hair cut, make sure you go to a trusted salon. One with a stylist who knows what s/he's doing and listens to what you want. Oh, and bring lots of pictures of your preferred hair style, too. Otherwise you might step out of the salon wishing it's all just a painful nightmare.

A little bit about women and PMS

From the U.S National Library of Medicine,

Premenstrual syndrome (PMS) refers to a wide range of physical or emotional symptoms that typically occur about 5 to 11 days before a woman starts her monthly menstrual cycle.

The list of symptoms is about 20 point forms long and includes bloating, food cravings, headache, forgetfulness, mood swings, hostile or aggressive behaviour and even clumsiness. I am guilty as charged on all accounts and more. You might think it's unfair for a woman to use PMS as an excuse for every wrong that she makes during this time, but you know what PMS isn't exactly the excuse we want to use either.

So, the question is: How to deal with a woman during this tender time of the month?

Women at this point of time can be high-strung and worst of all, unreasonable. When she is in one of her moods, trying to reason with her is a bad idea - possibly one of the worst things you can think about doing. It might bruise your ego a bit (actually, it's best not to have such a big one anyway, for your own sake), but just admitting that she's right for awhile can make all the difference, especially towards how the rest of your day goes.

For me, I turn into quite a hungry cow and will have to be regularly fed, preferably at 1-hour intervals. This incessant hunger goes hand-in-hand with intense food cravings. My diet for the ten days leading up to my period consists of ridiculously high amounts of sugar and fat. When this happens, don't judge her as she reaches for her third chocolate bar. Instead, tell her she looks pretty even though she's put on period weight (YES there is such a thing! Or it could be water retention, either way who cares about technicalities! /fumes). In the past few days, I have craved for Skittles, carbonara, Nutella, orange juice, fried eggs, green tea, banana bread, vegetarian Peking duck etc., just to give you a vague idea of what to expect.

You will notice her getting bouts of self-doubt right around this time too. It's very unexplainable as to why this occurs, and most of the times this is uncalled for, but so is everything else about PMS. Medicine blames it on the level of hormones that changes as her body prepares to have a baby (basically) but this is yet to be proven as a fact. She will question the existence of her whole being but hopefully not to the morbid extent (If so, the Lifeline number to call is 13 11 14). She'll ask if you really love her or question why everyone else is happier than her etc. All you can do is to give her a big bear hug and let her know that she's the most important person in your life and that you'll do anything to make her happy. Also, she will constantly ask you if she looks fat in everything she wears. Correct answer: No.

Really, this is far from being an extensive list of PMS symptoms that a woman goes through each month. And even after this duration, the torture extends to when she's having her period. Cramps, backaches, lethargy... The best you can do is try to sympathise and be there for as much as she needs. The good news? After these two weeks, you get two weeks of chirpiness, do-anything-you-want-and-your-head-won't-get-bitten-off and you'll start to remember what she's like the first time you met her.

**Advice given is based on 10 years of experience in the PMS field, collected data and personal observations.

**Disclaimer: Not all of this will work on every woman. If you think your woman is the same, you better keep it to yourself because she'll ask you why you think she's not unique. If you find yourself in this sorry predicament, you're on your own, buddy.

10 things I've learnt working in an ice-creamery

Having worked in an ice-cream store that allows customers to mix crushed nuts, Mars Bars, gummy bears and a whole list of other lollies and chocolates for a little over two years now, I’d say I’ve become quite the ice-cream-mixing connoisseur. And with the surprising amount of strength you need to serve each customer – what with all the scooping and bashing and smashing and mixing we do – I will never again look down on an ice-cream scooper!

Here are 10 things I’ve learnt working in an ice-cream store:

1. There is never such a thing as too hot or too cold or too wet Sydney weather to have a triple scoop sundae with a generous serve of whipped cream, chocolate sauce and nuts.

2. Kids, however tiny, can eat surprisingly large amounts of ice-cream that sends them bouncing off the walls after. Hah, good luck with that, Mom and Dad!

3. If you want to go on a diet, STAY AWAY FROM THE SORBETS. Crazy high amounts of sugar to make up for the low fat content. Let’s just say you’ve been warned.

4. Nice old women often like telling their stories to anyone who’s willing to listen.

5. On the other hand, cranky old women (who buy ice-cream for their dogs ‘in a bigger cup please! And no, he doesn’t need a spoon!’) are the absolute worst. They will complain about everything in your store. Well, how’s about you send a complaint straight to the owner as I don’t have the power to change the prices. Or the cup sizes. Or how many Maltesers that goes into a serving, for the millionth time!

6. Babies’ reactions to their first ice-creams are the best! Think scrunched up, wrinkled noses and frowny faces as they attempt to understand the cold explosion that is going on in their itty-bitty mouths.

7. It doesn’t matter that the doors are closed and the ‘Open’ sign is switched over. Or if the rock is being cleaned and the ice-cream cabinet lights have been switched off. These things don’t necessarily mean that we’re closed, oh no. To some, it means banging on the windows and begging us to let them in for ‘just one more ice-cream!’ while offering $50 if we open the doors for them.

8. Ice-cream addiction doesn’t just stop even after 2 years. Oh no, it doesn’t.

9. There isn’t a maximum amount of mix-ins that a customer can get in an ice-cream. Kiddies with 8 different things? Why not. All you have to do is be able to cough up the $20 for your tub of ice-cream and you’re good to go.

10. Young Australian boys are very amusing. They’ll practice pick-up lines like ‘Are you a butterfly? ‘cos you sure look like one!’ on you that you just HAVE to laugh and put in a few extra gummy bears for trying. Gasp, maybe I’ve just been cheated into giving the sneaky twit extra mix-ins! Why, that little…!

Write, write, write

It feels as if I have finally run out of things to say here!

School has been getting the better of me I swear! But it's also very exciting in that this year, I'm not only aiming high (as with previous years) but I'm pulling out all stops to actually achieve these goals. One of these goals is to write more and better and what better way to do that than to enrol in a course which forces you to read and write every week!

My Creative Writing tutor told the class one day that it is very important to write, write, write. Even if it's only for a few minutes a day, about something as mundane as the weather. And I think I'm going to try it! She suggests carrying a writing journal too, that you never know when you're going to come across an interesting character on the bus or see something that will go into your #AwesomeThings folder. I can testify that it's so true when it comes to finding random inspirations! You just never know when it's going to hit you!

So, here I am again! I'm building up a story for my creative writing workshop and I'm thinking that this blog will help me move it along. I'm so nervous about the workshop because this is when everyone reads your work and critiques your writing. My class had its first workshop just two days ago and I have to say, my classmates' got talent! Amazing writing and highly technical: Omniscient narrators and character developments and such!

2012 is about getting out of my comfort zone and doing things that will scare the heck out of me. I guess this workshop is one of them but it's going to be interesting because hopefully by the end of it, I will develop my skills as a writer and know where I stand in my writing! :)

I'll let you know if I come out alive.

Coming clean

One thing I always seem to do is to compare my abilities, experiences - heck, my whole being with other people. The way I write, the way I dress, the books I read, the places I've been, how I look and the list goes on. So much so that I always think that I'm never good enough in what I do, always striving to pick up something I have no interest in just so I can be like that other person or looking at my work and never being completely satisfied.

But isn't that how we've been brought up? Kindergarten, middle school, high school all the way to university and even in the workplace, aren't we always reminded to be competitive, that our successes are only successes relative to someone else's failure or averageness? If you're first, someone has to come second. Isn't that how it's always worked?

Well, I've decided that enough is enough. It's true. I've always felt envious about what other people are doing. I read an article in Marie Claire a few months back about the Fear of Missing Out. Probably not as valid as clinical depression but might very well be. With the Internet showcasing about a million other people doing exactly what you've always wanted so easily, so successfully, how can you not start to feel even a little inferior? After reading that article I just thought, gosh I have that! And the reason is because I'm turning 23 and have nothing to show for all my years of living. No exciting portfolio of travels or experiences, no out-of-this-world stories to share. Or so I thought.

It took me awhile to realise that experience is experience, whether big or small. Yes, of course there are other people whose experiences can make you feel like a frog living under a coconut shell. But you know what, you don't have to bungee jump off the tallest building or swim with an ocean of sharks to say you have experience, experience comes in so many ways. The people you talk to, the things you see everyday, everything is experience! And whether I realise it or not, these small things have made up who I am. And who I am today is an independent woman with her own views of life, her own style of doing what she does and master of her own thoughts.

I still have a world and a lifetime of experiences to go. And while I may not be able to travel the world, I have to keep reminding myself that growth comes with everything I do, see, feel, touch, listen, taste.

Reasons to Tell Mom 'I Love You'

Growing up with my family, it seems like there was always a strain between Mom and I. While I remember the times when she would read me stories about bears and bedtimes, I also remember how hard she would push me and my sister for every school exam. And when I say push, I mean cane if we don't get satisfactory marks. Her expectations of us were sky-high. She was definitely the driving force behind all my straight A's.

My siblings and I always used to see her as a monster. As kids, we didn't like to be pushed so hard. We found ways to go against her as often as possible. Of course, the more we rebelled, the angrier she got and the angrier she was, the more she lashed out on us. And the more she lashed out on us, the further we were pushed away. And the cycle goes on.

But now, as I talked to Mom about my fees and going home, she is the most supportive being who tries to understand how hard I am working here. We've never said 'I love you's this many times, in fact at all. Coming here, I see someone who is willing to take out every cent from her savings so that I am able to do what I want. And when I offered to not go home to help save for my fees, she tells me not to worry and come home anyway.

A mother's job is never, ever an easy one. Looking at Mom, I know how difficult she's had it with us - from all our antics (Like painting the backroom wall with hideous Buncho paint 'Do you love *a bowl of noodles*?' and pouring her rice all over the outside floor to catch birds) to our hard-headedness to our rebellion against her well-meant disciplining. Possibly that's why all daughters are 'Daddy's girls'. Because Mommy is always busy trying to lead us to the right path and teach us responsibility, she comes across as the 'un-fun' and 'strict' one.

Now that I have 'left the nest', so to speak, I realise that Mom was the one who have coaxed me out into the world and taught me how to fly. Her expectations of us were so high because she knew what we were capable of. She knew that we had it in us to make it big. Her sacrifice has been huge, I know this especially in this whole ordeal of me coming to study in Australia. I have seen tremendous support like she's never shown before and for that I love her to bits. She will continue to be my driving force - to aim higher and to work harder for that goal.

'Love you forever'.

I'll love you forever too, Mom.

Once Upon a Long Distance Time

As I read Quaintly's most recent post, I find myself nodding at what she writes about the experience in being in a long distance relationship. That never mind what happiness manages to steer you away from the fact that your loved one is a thousand miles away throughout the day, that you will always, always return to a bed that is cold and worst of all starkingly empty at night.

But what makes it all worth it, is that single moment when you know the both of you are going to meet again. The date is set, and all you do is cross out the days leading up to that moment on the calender. When you reach that precious day, circled twice over in red ink, you put on your best clothes and with fluttering butterflies and clammy hands, you meet and every ounce of loneliness you've been feeling the past one week, one month, one year, vanishes. The next thing you know, you're in his/her arms - everything is right again.

People will tell you that it gets easier with each hello, goodbye. But only you know that it doesn't, it feels like it will never get easier. Of course, if you only had to do it for a certain time frame, then you'd know the feeling of relief when it's all over. But for others, each hello that you know will inadvertently end with a goodbye, each goodbye that you don't know when will end gets worse and worse. Some couples survive it and some couples don't. It's the most difficult thing when it comes to being apart with a loved one - both physically and mentally.

I remember special occasions that were spent not entirely alone, but with friends who try to surround me with all the love that they possibly have to offer. It's different and never enough. Like when fireworks paint the sky with loud, colourful streaks during Independence Day, or when I watch as couples around me hand each other roses on Valentine's... In fact, it didn't even need to be a special occasion, I just needed to see another couple holding hands, laughing with each other and it was enough to reduce me into a weepy mess (On the occasional emotional days, but they were never far apart enough).

Now I look back and pride myself in having been through and succeeded to overcome those lonely three years. But I don't think that I would ever, ever go through long-distance again. Ever. Not as I wake up in the morning with him snoring softly (Or not so) beside me, or when I go into that occasional outraged fit with him. I see myself as strong enough to have come this far, but if put into that situation again, I would feel equally as helpless as I felt then.

So to those of you who are going through the ups and downs of a long-distance relationship, no matter how short or long (because there really is not much of a difference) a time frame, you deserve to be applauded. And all I can say is that when you come out of this, you'll overcome any obstacle thrown at you. You'll come out more mature and stronger and there will be a time when you look at each other and smile as you reminisce the old days. :)

Macarons with White Chocolate and Strawberry Ganache

The title sounds very Master Chef-y doesn't it? I think it's because macarons (Even just its name) have this ability to fancy up just about anything. This sandwich of a sweet filling between delicate cookies not only looks like the prettiest little thing but is so packed with sweetness has got me craving for some! And today being my only day off from work in such a long time, I thought I'd spend it doing something productive.

I have had this packet of almond meal sitting in my pantry for the longest time. I've been wanting to make macarons but just reading recipes has put me off attempting to bake them. So many problems can arise in baking such an innocent looking thing - crumbly dome, no feet, dry meringue, over-beating egg whites, under-mixing ingredients, air pockets in the meringue and the list just goes on. For someone as amateur in the kitchen as me, it's no wonder that the technical side of this dessert scared me off. But my craving for something sweet has been so overpowering (Read: Period cravings) I just HAD to make some!

And this is how they turned out:

Recipe is from here!

As you can see, my macarons had cracked domes and no feet which is such a disappointment! :( The foot of the macaron is what makes them look so cute - like a fluttery skirt around the dainty cookie. I had to bake three batches before I could get them to look anywhere near perfect looking like a macaron!

The first one (With the egg whites left to sit overnight on the kitchen countertop), my batter was too watery because I didn't beat the egg whites long enough and they spread like goo on my tray. But after letting them sit for about three hours I decided to bake them anyway. This batch was the most surprising because not only the shell was smooth but little feet formed around each dome! Unfortunately they were just too out of shape and too thin to put the ganache in between.

The second, I didn't want to leave the egg whites sitting for another whole day just so I can bake them again! I read here that it's not compulsory anyway so I just used the eggs right away. I also didn't leave this batter to dry out as long as my third and the domes didn't crack but they didn't have feet around them.

The third (Second photo) was possibly the worst batch in terms of looks. The shells of every macaron was cracked and still NO FEET. But they retained their shapes and were my most consistent ones that I decided to turn them into macarons anyway.

My verdict is that macarons take such a long time and it's a trial-and-error process that requires a lot of patience! But was it worth it? YES. Because they all taste SO GOOD. Even the boyfriend loved them and he's not much of a sweet tooth! This recipe that I followed made some very nice-tasting macarons which are not overly sweet (Like how macarons tend to be). The ganache was so yummy I could have scooped it in spoonfuls and ate it just like that! Overall, I'd definitely make them again if I have the time and it could possibly be as soon as my next day off. I would think that once I get the shells perfect, it would be such a sweet success! Literally.

Dealing with the Rascal Growing Up

Just recently, I found out that my youngest brother, the little Rascal, the Monster - whatever term of endearment you would use for the spoiltbrat - is in a relationship. A very caps-lockish Wall Post by my younger sister, Jade ('BOY GOT GIRLFREN. QUITE PRETTY') and 22 equally caps-lockish back and forth replies later, I proceeded to stalk him to find out more about this girl. I wanted to see who she was and was very curious as to what she was thinking, getting herself into this mess. Indeed, she is quite good looking and that shocked me just a little bit more.

Very excitedly, Jade and I launched into an hour-long conversation on Roy (We call him Boy at home. Not sure why, but maybe because it has a ring to it - Roy the Boy) and this girlfriend of his. When did they start dating? For how long? Maybe she's the dominant one in the relationship? etc, etc.

I'm sure some of you have that problem - dealing with the fact that your youngest sibling, particularly if s/he is a lot younger than you, growing up. I find it weird that I still remember how Jade and I would bully our younger brother, him being the only boy and all. We would make him the Big Bad Wolf while we played the three, well, two little pigs and hid safe inside our little fortress assembled with whatever furniture that we could move at the time. He was always the bad guy to all our games. Whether we were playing penguins in our old bedroom (with our white comforter blanketing pillows and bolsters and our bed as snow!) or lions on all fours, we try to single him out because it just wasn't cool to play with your younger brother! Or something like that anyway.

I even remember back when he was a baby. One memory that is so adorable and funny was when Jade and I sang Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star to him in a very sad, low voice and he, as a baby, started crying. Or when we had that Peach Tea drink that we had to share among ourselves and to make it fair, we placed our miniature sofa some ten steps away and the rule was that we could only drink in the ten steps that it took us to reach the sofa (But of course being six years younger, his then tiny feet could only step so far). So funny, looking back now.

Sometimes I forget that he is sixteen already. Why, that's one year older than the age that I started dating! It's weird when you try to remember what you were like when you were sixteen (or fifteen). Having your first boyfriend, or girlfriend in this case. I would like to think that he's not as mature as I was when I was sixteen. But who am I kidding? As the years go by, it becomes quite obvious that he is going to grow up. Like myself, Boy will graduate high school, go to university and graduate from that too. Like me.

Although, I guess that he will always be the Brat to me. Whether he's six, sixteen or sixty. And as he goes through every phase that I go through, it will still shock me equally as much as this news. Jade and I will always find it funny, possibly even as he goes through his first heartbreak, his first job, and everything else.

A Review: Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen

Warning: Spoilers ahead!

In Water for Elephants, Sara Gruen chronicles the life of her main character, Jacob Jankowski at two different points in time: One, as a twenty three-year-old who suddenly finds himself orphaned with nothing to his name during America's Great Depression circa the early '30s, landing a job as a (not quite graduated) veterinarian on the train that carries the Benzini Brothers Most Spectacular Show on Earth.

The second, as a ninety-('Or ninety-three. One or the other.')year-old in a nursing home, frustrated by the frailty of his aging body and on disagreeable terms with just about everything (and everyone) else, who spends his free time daydreaming about his secret past and whose possible highlight these days is the little variation in his daily (unappetizing) meals.

What I look for in a book is how the characters come to life and how they are developed throughout their stories. And with this book, it's quite obvious that the author has done one heck of a research as she brings to life characters that are very vivid, very true to the setting of this novel through a vocabulary that made me feel as if I was being transported to the circus world myself. I had to look up a few terms before I could fully understand how they tie to the circus during the Great Depression -- words like roustabouts, jake, eight-pagers etc.

However, it wasn't just Jacob Jankowski's complicated love story with Marlena or the weird bond formed with his grumpy dwarf carriage-mate and other roustabouts or even the helter-skelter of it all as the circus fights through desperate times that made this story so compelling. More than all that, it is the relationship between the human characters and another star of the show, Rosie the elephant. Rosie's role in this novel is heartwarming and as she goes through mindless abuse by Ringmaster August, she still smiles and will happily accept watermelon, booze or lemonade. Through Rosie, we see the compassion that she teaches to everyone around her but in a turn of events, we also see the malevolence that she is capable of. After all, an elephant never forgets.

It's quite sad that the novel only lasted so long, but I'm glad to say the ending was an unexpected surprise, in a good way too. Right now, I'm looking forward to the movie! The only thing that I am irritated about is that they picked Robert Pattinson to star as Jacob Jankowski. Gah. The trailer, however looks quite promising:-

How to stay sane in a long term relationship

I have been in a relationship with the same person for almost six years now. If that doesn't entitle me to write about being in a long-term relationship, I don't know what does. And living with the boyfriend (for a year and a half now!), there are times when I just feel like murdering the other person in his sleep I'm driven to the point of insanity -- by him, by us, by the routine-ness of our relationship. I realise that it's not always going to be all rainbows and butterflies (it's compromise that moves us along ♫) and as we progress, the further we get from that first-six-months-honeymoon-period. But that doesn't mean it's impossible to reintroduce that lost spark and all its lovey-doveyness into a long-term relationship!

This is for the people who've been with one person practically all their lives (It does feel that way, doesn't it?). Here's how I stay sane throughout the hair-pulling/ voice-raising/ pillow-fighting (and the nicer in-between) times.

1. Get excited about something together.
It could be anything! A party that you're going together, a planned holiday, my a birthday, movies before bedtime, anything!

2. Go on regular dates.
Just the two of you. A strict rule is that you can't have friends tagging along because the whole point is to reconnect. Kai and I only just started making it a habit to have at least one date night a week. And this is where we go for dinner at a new place that we've not tried before and then a movie after -- It helps bring back the old courting days when dinner and movies were 'romantic'. For couples living together, it can be quite difficult to see the point of this since... well, you live together! But seriously, it makes all the difference in the world!

3. Have time apart.
Or different hobbies. Before living with Kai, we were in a long-distance relationship for three years. Those three years apart were not nice, to say the least, but it gave us an opportunity to grow as individuals and to discover separate interests. I know there are couples who pride themselves with being recognised as One person -- I'd rather be a separate entity. But it certainly doesn't mean that I'm not any closer with Kai, it just means that I appreciate myself as being my own person.

4. Choose a hobby.
I know what you're thinking -- 'But you just said...' Well, I know what I just said. But while having separate hobbies and different interests is important, it's equally as important to have things that you both like to do together. Go fishing, watch a movie, play board games or fix a puzzle! It's all about spending quality time together. :)

5. Surprise each other.
Ok, so I haven't surprised Kai in a while now. I should probably get to it. Kai, on the other hand has planned a getaway for the two of us for my birthday without my knowing (at first anyway, he's not very good at keeping secrets tsk.) but a surprise doesn't have to be extravagant or anything. I remember there was one day when I was feeling particularly stressed about an assignment and Kai came home with Gloria Jeans' caramel latte and muffin, Hello Panda chocolate biscuits and other small treats. And it just happened that that was the pick-me-up I so desperately needed at that time. So surprise one another, it's a surefire way to put a smile on your faces. :)

These are just a few things that we can do to maintain closeness in a relationship -- there are so many others that I can think of! But ultimately, every relationship needs a good foundation; one that is built upon mutual respect, communication and appreciation for one another.