Saturday, December 3, 2011

Coming clean

One thing I always seem to do is to compare my abilities, experiences - heck, my whole being with other people. The way I write, the way I dress, the books I read, the places I've been, how I look and the list goes on. So much so that I always think that I'm never good enough in what I do, always striving to pick up something I have no interest in just so I can be like that other person or looking at my work and never being completely satisfied.

But isn't that how we've been brought up? Kindergarten, middle school, high school all the way to university and even in the workplace, aren't we always reminded to be competitive, that our successes are only successes relative to someone else's failure or averageness? If you're first, someone has to come second. Isn't that how it's always worked?

Well, I've decided that enough is enough. It's true. I've always felt envious about what other people are doing. I read an article in Marie Claire a few months back about the Fear of Missing Out. Probably not as valid as clinical depression but might very well be. With the Internet showcasing about a million other people doing exactly what you've always wanted so easily, so successfully, how can you not start to feel even a little inferior? After reading that article I just thought, gosh I have that! And the reason is because I'm turning 23 and have nothing to show for all my years of living. No exciting portfolio of travels or experiences, no out-of-this-world stories to share. Or so I thought.

It took me awhile to realise that experience is experience, whether big or small. Yes, of course there are other people whose experiences can make you feel like a frog living under a coconut shell. But you know what, you don't have to bungee jump off the tallest building or swim with an ocean of sharks to say you have experience, experience comes in so many ways. The people you talk to, the things you see everyday, everything is experience! And whether I realise it or not, these small things have made up who I am. And who I am today is an independent woman with her own views of life, her own style of doing what she does and master of her own thoughts.

I still have a world and a lifetime of experiences to go. And while I may not be able to travel the world, I have to keep reminding myself that growth comes with everything I do, see, feel, touch, listen, taste.

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