Write, write, write

It feels as if I have finally run out of things to say here!

School has been getting the better of me I swear! But it's also very exciting in that this year, I'm not only aiming high (as with previous years) but I'm pulling out all stops to actually achieve these goals. One of these goals is to write more and better and what better way to do that than to enrol in a course which forces you to read and write every week!

My Creative Writing tutor told the class one day that it is very important to write, write, write. Even if it's only for a few minutes a day, about something as mundane as the weather. And I think I'm going to try it! She suggests carrying a writing journal too, that you never know when you're going to come across an interesting character on the bus or see something that will go into your #AwesomeThings folder. I can testify that it's so true when it comes to finding random inspirations! You just never know when it's going to hit you!

So, here I am again! I'm building up a story for my creative writing workshop and I'm thinking that this blog will help me move it along. I'm so nervous about the workshop because this is when everyone reads your work and critiques your writing. My class had its first workshop just two days ago and I have to say, my classmates' got talent! Amazing writing and highly technical: Omniscient narrators and character developments and such!

2012 is about getting out of my comfort zone and doing things that will scare the heck out of me. I guess this workshop is one of them but it's going to be interesting because hopefully by the end of it, I will develop my skills as a writer and know where I stand in my writing! :)

I'll let you know if I come out alive.

Coming clean

One thing I always seem to do is to compare my abilities, experiences - heck, my whole being with other people. The way I write, the way I dress, the books I read, the places I've been, how I look and the list goes on. So much so that I always think that I'm never good enough in what I do, always striving to pick up something I have no interest in just so I can be like that other person or looking at my work and never being completely satisfied.

But isn't that how we've been brought up? Kindergarten, middle school, high school all the way to university and even in the workplace, aren't we always reminded to be competitive, that our successes are only successes relative to someone else's failure or averageness? If you're first, someone has to come second. Isn't that how it's always worked?

Well, I've decided that enough is enough. It's true. I've always felt envious about what other people are doing. I read an article in Marie Claire a few months back about the Fear of Missing Out. Probably not as valid as clinical depression but might very well be. With the Internet showcasing about a million other people doing exactly what you've always wanted so easily, so successfully, how can you not start to feel even a little inferior? After reading that article I just thought, gosh I have that! And the reason is because I'm turning 23 and have nothing to show for all my years of living. No exciting portfolio of travels or experiences, no out-of-this-world stories to share. Or so I thought.

It took me awhile to realise that experience is experience, whether big or small. Yes, of course there are other people whose experiences can make you feel like a frog living under a coconut shell. But you know what, you don't have to bungee jump off the tallest building or swim with an ocean of sharks to say you have experience, experience comes in so many ways. The people you talk to, the things you see everyday, everything is experience! And whether I realise it or not, these small things have made up who I am. And who I am today is an independent woman with her own views of life, her own style of doing what she does and master of her own thoughts.

I still have a world and a lifetime of experiences to go. And while I may not be able to travel the world, I have to keep reminding myself that growth comes with everything I do, see, feel, touch, listen, taste.

Once Upon a Long Distance Time

As I read Quaintly's most recent post, I find myself nodding at what she writes about the experience in being in a long distance relationship. That never mind what happiness manages to steer you away from the fact that your loved one is a thousand miles away throughout the day, that you will always, always return to a bed that is cold and worst of all starkingly empty at night.

But what makes it all worth it, is that single moment when you know the both of you are going to meet again. The date is set, and all you do is cross out the days leading up to that moment on the calender. When you reach that precious day, circled twice over in red ink, you put on your best clothes and with fluttering butterflies and clammy hands, you meet and every ounce of loneliness you've been feeling the past one week, one month, one year, vanishes. The next thing you know, you're in his/her arms - everything is right again.

People will tell you that it gets easier with each hello, goodbye. But only you know that it doesn't, it feels like it will never get easier. Of course, if you only had to do it for a certain time frame, then you'd know the feeling of relief when it's all over. But for others, each hello that you know will inadvertently end with a goodbye, each goodbye that you don't know when will end gets worse and worse. Some couples survive it and some couples don't. It's the most difficult thing when it comes to being apart with a loved one - both physically and mentally.

I remember special occasions that were spent not entirely alone, but with friends who try to surround me with all the love that they possibly have to offer. It's different and never enough. Like when fireworks paint the sky with loud, colourful streaks during Independence Day, or when I watch as couples around me hand each other roses on Valentine's... In fact, it didn't even need to be a special occasion, I just needed to see another couple holding hands, laughing with each other and it was enough to reduce me into a weepy mess (On the occasional emotional days, but they were never far apart enough).

Now I look back and pride myself in having been through and succeeded to overcome those lonely three years. But I don't think that I would ever, ever go through long-distance again. Ever. Not as I wake up in the morning with him snoring softly (Or not so) beside me, or when I go into that occasional outraged fit with him. I see myself as strong enough to have come this far, but if put into that situation again, I would feel equally as helpless as I felt then.

So to those of you who are going through the ups and downs of a long-distance relationship, no matter how short or long (because there really is not much of a difference) a time frame, you deserve to be applauded. And all I can say is that when you come out of this, you'll overcome any obstacle thrown at you. You'll come out more mature and stronger and there will be a time when you look at each other and smile as you reminisce the old days. :)

Nothing makes me happier...

... than to be inspired by great photographs.

... than to be in the arms of a loved one.

... than to have a belly-jiggling, choking laugh with friends, family and at that odd cat video.

... than to have my morning cup of coffee.

... than to have Sunday breakfasts/brunches/lunches (depending on what time we manage to pull ourselves awake.

... than to walk hand in hand with him, in the rain, in a city we love, with the world dashing about around us.

... than to have a hot bath when it's so, so cold.

... than to be playing crossword puzzles and laughing at the words we come up with.

... than to rediscover old photos and smile at the recollection of a memory of a much simpler, innocent time.

... than to read the last page of a good book and feel satisfied.

... than to dream and dream.

... than to have time to myself to dance around the room and blast music.

... than to race across the carpark, although he always wins.

here.

and most of all,

nothing makes me happier than to be genuinely happy, filled with love in the world, feel the restlessness of wanting to be something better and the busyness of a very good day.

Late Night Cravings: Choc Mint Brownies

I swear, this is not going to turn into a baking blog although, I have been pretty obsessed with food photography blogs that I've stumbled upon while looking for recipes.

I think it is because we're right smack in the middle of Winter now and all I want to do is to keep warm and have something that will insulate me a little better. Apart from the compulsory quilt (and extra blanket), what better way to fatten yourself up than with desserts - both cold and hot? :)

Tonight while looking at some of the most delectable food blogs (with pictures to match) I started craving - as in, really craving - for a rich, moist chocolate brownie. Then I came across this chocolate mint brownie recipe and I knew I just had to bake it. Like now. Nevermind that it's 11 o'clock at night and nevermind that I have not ran in a couple of days.

Brownie. Now.

And so I did. But after tonight, I'm placing a ban on myself. No more junk food (except that mandatory ice-cream at work, heh) especially this late at night. My sweet tooth has gotten the better of me and I'm noticing it in my waistline.

Before the ban though I'm allowing myself to indulge! Thus the recent baking spree. And without further ado, chocolate mint brownies (in a cup)!

Ingredients

Brownie layer:

1/2 cup (113g) unsalted butter, cut into pieces

114g dark chocolate, coarsely chopped

250g granulated white sugar

1tsp pure vanilla extract

2 large eggs

1/2 cup (70g) all purpose flour

1/4 tsp salt

Mint layer:

2 tbsp (28g) unsalted butter at room temperature

1 cup (115g) confectioners sugar

1tbsp non-fat Greek yoghurt (Or heavy cream)

1/2tsp peppermint extract

Chocolate glaze:

3 ounces (90g) semisweet chocolate

1tbsp (14g) unsalted butter

Method

Brownie:

1. Preheat oven to 160ºC and place rack in the center of the oven. Line a 9x9 inch (23x23cm) baking pan with parchment paper and set aside.

2. Melt butter and chocolate in a stainless steel bowl over simmering water. Remove from heat and stir in sugar and vanilla extract. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Stir in flour and salt and beat until smooth and glossy and comes away from sides of the pan. Pur batter evenly into prepared pan.

3. Bake in preheater oven for 25 minutes or until brownies start to pull away from the sides and edges begin to brown. Remove from oven and place on wire rack to completely cool.

Mint layer:

1. With electric mixer, beat ingredients until smooth. Add a little extra cream if frosting is too thick. Spread evenly over cooled brownie layer.

2. Place in refrigerator for 5-10 minutes or until firm.

Chocolate glaze:

1. In a heatproof bowl over a saucepan of simmering water, melt chocolate and butter.

2. Spread over mint filling and refrigerate for about 30 minutes or until chocolate glaze starts to dull.

As you can see, my brownies didn't consist of three layers. Firstly it was because I didn't have a small-enough pan to bake my brownies in so instead, I used my muffin tray. Secondly it was because I got lazy and I didn't want to wait for another 30 minutes just to have that chocolate glaze!

The brownies were quite good. I added a lot more peppermint essence into my frosting because I like mine a lot more minty. I liked that the outside is crispy and the insides oh so soft and chewy! :) Not the best brownies I've had but for a quick fix, it was pretty good.

Inspired by: Elisa Mazzone

Elisa Mazzone is an Australian illustrator whose works feature soft colours, feminine figures and embellishments.

My (sort-of) take on her artwork:

Pencil on paper; edited on Photoshop.

And this is the path that I chose

"Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it's just not that good. It's trying to be good, it has potential, but it's not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn't have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I've ever met. It's gonna take awhile. It's normal to take awhile. You've just gotta fight your way through".

Ira Glass